


Not Alone

by xxDustNight88



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Enemies to Friends, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resurrection, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 11:39:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17827865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxDustNight88/pseuds/xxDustNight88
Summary: Feeling utterly guilty and alone following the war, Draco intends to end it all. Only, he’s saved by someone unexpected and is forced to take another look at life and what it means to not be alone.





	Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> If easily triggered by discussion of suicide, please do not read. I would like to thank GaeilgeRua for alpha/beta reading. Any other mistakes you find are my own!

It was months after the end of the war, and yet, Draco still felt like he was being consumed by the pain of it all. The endless guilt and all the many deaths that were the effect of what he’d done to Dumbledore haunted him constantly. Hell, what he’d done to everyone that sixth year. Why he was even allowed to return to Hogwarts was a mystery to him. He should never have agreed with his mother that it would be for the best. 

Coming back to Hogwarts only caused the guilt to eat away at him further. Night after night and day after day Draco found himself reliving moments of the past and hating himself more than ever. Ultimately, that was what brought him here tonight. Standing atop the astronomy tower where he once nearly killed Dumbledore, Draco felt as if his entire world was crumbling. Sure, Snape had been the one to do the deed, but it was his planning that led them there. 

Draco felt guilty. He’d taken every potion he could find to try and numb the pain, but nothing seemed to touch the ache in his soul. Hell, he’d even become immune to Dreamless Sleep potions. There was nothing left to take. No one left to talk to. Not that anyone would care anyway. He was practically a ghost here at Hogwarts these days. No one seemed to even notice he existed. 

Overall, what Draco felt was… Alone.

And that’s what helped him over the edge of the Astronomy Tower. The thought of being alone in this world. Swallowing, Draco took one final, deep breath and tipped forward and allowed it all to end. The wind rushed through his hair and over his body as the ground rushed closer. He’d been in pain before, but it was nothing compared to what it felt like as his body collided with the damp grass at the bottom of the tower. Everything was on fire. His bones were crushed by the weight of his guilt and the impact. Why hadn’t he died? How was he still thinking? Breathing?

It didn’t matter. The darkness was looming. Everything in his mind was getting fuzzy. Thoughts were racing but not connecting. All rational thought was irrelevant. And then there was a warmth. It spread through his head and down his neck through his spine. Wasn’t he supposed to be dying? Instead, he was feeling stronger than before…

Opening his eyes, Draco was surprised to find a beautiful Phoenix flying away into the night. Obviously someone had used the magical bird to save him. He turned his head slightly to find Ron Weasley standing over him, crying silently. This night was taking a different turn than anticipated. Mostly, he just expected to be dead and yet here he was, clearly fully healed.

“Whose Phoenix is that?” Draco asked when he was finally able to find his voice. He knew there were other questions he should be asking, but that was the first one that came out of his mouth. Struggling into a sitting position, he watched as Ron wiped the remainder of the tears from his face. “Were you crying?”

“I was, yes,” Ron admitted, kneeling next to Draco in the damp grass. He wiped his hands on his thighs and then reached out to brush a piece of Draco’s hair away from his pale forehead. “Thank Merlin…” he breathed out softly. “Your skull was cracked, Malfoy. Fawkes healed you. I was afraid he wouldn't be able to.”

“Fawkes.” Draco’s tongue felt heavy. “That was Dumbledore's Phoenix,” he muttered, rubbing at the spot where Ron’s fingers touched him. It felt warm. “Why would he save me?”

“He belongs to me now,” Ron explained, briefly glancing in the direction the bird had flown. “For some reason, he took to me when we all returned this year to finish school. I was out walking the lake when I saw you on top of the tower. I slowed your body as it fell, but I wasn’t quick enough. You were dying… I called Fawkes, and he came.”

He wasn’t sure if it was the aftereffects of the fall, but Draco found himself still entirely confused. “You didn’t let me die,” he said, staring steadily into the blue eyes of the wizard sitting next to him on the ground. 

“Of course not, Malfoy,” Ron said with a hint of exasperation. Then he sighed, seeming to catch himself. Shaking his head he gently pressed his hand against Draco’s shoulder, helping him to rest against the wall at the foot of the astronomy tower. “We’ve had our differences, but I don’t want to see you die… Especially in that way. No one should die alone.”

“Who cares about me?” Draco asked, crossing his arms. Inside, he still felt hollow… And angry too. He’d wanted to end everything tonight, not sit here with Ron bloody Weasley talking about why he should live.

“As strange as it may seem, I do. I care about you,” Ron admitted, ruffling the back of head hair uncomfortably. “I’m still trying to figure that part out myself. Nevertheless, I couldn’t watch you die.”

Draco didn’t say anything to that. What could he say really? Ron Weasley cared about his life? That was certainly unexpected. They sat there in silence for a while, Draco ignoring the cold and instead focusing on the warmth that radiated from Ron sitting next to him. It was comforting as well as reassuring to know that he was there. For the past few months, being back at Hogwarts had felt like a burden. He’d been alone for so long and now, suddenly, here was Ron.

“Why did you do it?” Ron asked quietly, finally breaking the silence. He picked a few pieces of grass and then dropped them on the ground again. “Jump, I mean.”

“I knew what you meant,” Draco replied, closing his eyes and remembering just a half hour ago, standing on top of the tower wanting it all to end. He didn’t want to answer, but something compelled him to do so. “It was the guilt that finally got to me. I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror and hated what I saw. I knew it had to end.”

“Okay,” Ron said, not saying how ridiculous he sounded or how little he was making sense. It was really rather kind of him. 

Glancing sideways, Draco decided to be honest and admit a bit more. “I felt alone. That’s what sent me over the edge. I just feel so... Alone.”

“You’re not alone now, Malfoy,” Ron said, making sure Draco was paying attention. “Do you feel better now? I mean, are you in any pain?”

“Why do you even care, Weasley?” Draco said, turning his head away from the other wizard. “I’ve never been anything but horrible to you.”

Ron was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “I saw you.” He blatantly ignored Draco’s comment on how he’d been treated in the past. 

Slowly, Draco turned his head and gave Ron a curious stare. “Saw me? I know you saw me just try to take my own life. You should--”

“Not today, Malfoy,” Ron said, interrupting his rant. Reaching out he made to place his hand on Draco’s shoulder but thought twice and lowered it again. “I saw you the day of the final battle, and it changed my entire outlook on you.”

“Come on,” Draco scoffed. “What are you going on about? How did that day change anything? I was fighting for Him, and my friend nearly killed you, or rather, all of us in the Room of Requirement.”

“No,” Ron said, shaking his head and trying to reel Draco back in. “It was in the courtyard before the final portion of the battle. We all thought Harry was dead and your parents were trying to get you to come back to them.” Taking a shuddering breath, Ron continued, “I saw you. You didn’t want to go to them. You wanted to stay with all of us.”

Draco stared at Ron for a moment, dumbstruck and then laughed. His head rolled back against the hard stone behind their backs at the base of the astronomy tower. “You’re right,” he whispered, a part of him feeling relief at admitting that but also a bit of embarrassment for being so honest. “I was terrified that Potter really was dead and I was going to have to be the Dark Lord’s puppet forever. I wanted to fight with the rest of you then, even it meant losing my life. After everything I did, I figured I’d be justified in that sort of death. No one was going to forgive me for the part I played.”

“Look,” Ron said, this time actually placing his hand on Draco’s shoulder. “The war is over. It’s done. If I’m willing to forgive you, you should be willing to give this a chance. And I don’t mean this friendship brewing between us, or whatever else there may be in the future. I mean life. I’m here for you, and I want you to live. Seriously.”

Something inside of Draco shifted at Ron’s words and a warmth spread throughout his body that had nothing to do with Fawkes’ tears from earlier. It’d been so long since he had someone who was as honest with him as Ron was being right now. He felt… Free. Cared for, even.

“Alright,” Draco condeded, nodding his head. “I’m willing to try as long as you stay with me. You saved me, Weasley.”

“Please,” Ron said, now taking Draco’s hand. “Call me Ron, okay? If we’re going to be friends, ”

“Sure… Ron.” It felt weird to say his name, but at the same time, it seemed like he’d been waiting to say it his entire life. “Are you sure you want this?” Draco gesture between them, finally indicating where they were now holding hands.

Smiling, Ron nodded. “It won’t be easy, people seeing us together. Are you willing to take this chance with me?”

“I think I am, Ron. I’ve been in the dark for so long…” Exhaling slowly, Draco felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. “Please, I don’t want to be alone anymore. Stay with me?”

“I’m here for whatever you need, Draco. Like I said before, you’re not alone.” Ron stood up and brushed the grass from his jeans before offering Draco his hand. “Do you want to go inside and sneak into the kitchens?”

Nodding, Draco accepted Ron’s offered hand and allowed him to help him to stand. “I think that would be fun,” Draco said, holding fast to Ron’s hand. 

“Let’s go,” Ron said, tugging him back toward the entrance to the castle. Draco allowed himself to be led, enjoying the feel of the other wizard’s hand in his own. 

Hand in hand, Draco and Ron returned inside to find themselves a late night snack. There was much more to discuss and obviously therapy to be had, but that could wait until tomorrow. Tonight, Draco would spend this time showing Ron his appreciation for fighting to keep him alive by sneaking into the kitchens and maintaining a happy façade. He would be alright now, he thought. In that moment, Draco just knew. He had Ron, and he was not alone. Tomorrow would come and so would the day after and the day after. Ron had given him a new lease on life, and he wasn’t going to waist a single minute. He hoped that Ron would continue to be a part of that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to show your appreciation for the author via kudos/comments below. ♥
> 
> This story is part of Ron/Draco Fest 2019, a currently ongoing anonymous fest. The author will be revealed in late March.


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